Death by May and Jay
by catsvrsdogscatswin
Summary: You know all those Truth or Dare things? We skip the that bit, and just force our characters to do the Dares! My sister's first writing appearance, so be nice! If you don't laugh once reading this, PM me and I'll send you ten dollars in the mail. This is a oneshot, abeit a very LONG one. Everyone is here but Crona, because we like him/her, and think he/she's gone through enough!


_**Alright people, me and my sister sat down at the computer and started discussing torture ideas for the Soul Eater gang. So, here we go! This is co-written by my little sister as well! We're not saying out real names because they take too long to write. **__**No they don't! **__**SHUT UP! My sister dictated her words and responses to me, so anything her character (May) does is all her idea.**_

"Hear ye, Hear ye. According to the contract which you all singed under…" the woman coughed. "…under your own violation, me and my sister are able to do whatever we want to you, and you will obey, without attempting to kill us, or harm us in any way, shape, or form." She said, holding up a legal-looking document. "Right sis?" she said, looking at her sister. "Right!" She said, jumping up trying to poke Asura in his third eye. "Pokey, pokey!" She sang, and he glared at her. "Stupid child." He grumbled, and she beamed at him. "Stupid grown-up." She said, sticking out her tongue at him, and finally getting him in the eye. "OW my eye!" He shouted, covering it. "I'll get you, you little brat!" he snarled, chasing after her. Her sister held up the document. "The contract, three eyes, the contract." He growled, clenching and unclenching his hands, but making no move after the girl.

"Why are you guys doing this?" Maka Albarn asked, putting her hands on her hips. The older girl put down the contract, and saluted them. "I'm Jay and this is my little sister May. They aren't our real names, but they're short and easy to remember. Now…" She held out her hands, pointing at the cast of Soul Eater characters. "PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM IN THE FORM OF AMUSING PUNISHMENTS!" Her sister copied her. "WHAT SHE SAID!" She shouted. "You're crazy." Spirit said flatly, staring at them. Jay grinned manically. "Maybe so…but you are all in my power now!" She cackled, and her sister made a dramatic pose. "What she said!" she said, jabbing a thumb at her older sister. Jay abruptly stopped cackling and pulled out a different piece of paper. "Now then, who's first…" she said, putting on a pair of glasses. "MAKA ALBARN YOUR DAY HAS COME!" She shouted, looking up and pointing at Maka. She looked up from the book she had been reading. "Did you say something?"

Jay facepalmed. "Whatever. Now, walk through that door and don't come out for an hour." She said, shoving her through a door in the wall. "Okay everyone, watch this, it's going to be freaking hilarious." She said, motioning all the other characters towards a computer screen. May darted towards Blackstar and kicked him between the legs. "JERK!" She shouted, before walking over to her sister. He collapsed on the floor, wheezing, and then got up with all the fires of everlasting hatred burning in his eyes. He tiptoed up behind the two sisters, holding out a hand to deliver the most powerful Soul Force he could muster. "Contract…" Jay sang, and he choked, banging his head against the wall.

On the computer screen, Maka was standing in the middle of a completely bare room, horror-struck. "WHHHHYYYYYYY!?" She wailed, and Jay snorted. Asura cackled. "Serves her right!" he said, watching the computer screen in unholy joy. Spirit was in the room as well, hugging Maka tightly. Jay grabbed a microphone. "Remember, you have to stay in there for an hour!" she called into it, and Maka screamed. Spirit happy-vomited in the corner.

_One Hour later…._

Maka ran through the door, screaming. "She lives!" Jay said sarcastically, and Maka turned on her. "MAKA-CHO-" She roared, slamming a book down towards Jay's head. "Contract!" her sister chirped, and she froze. Spirit ran through the door as well. "Maka, daddy loves you!' he said, jumping up to give her a hug. Maka swerved and delivered the Maka-Chop to his brain instead. He collapsed on the floor, and Stein cackled.

"Soul, you're up next. It is now you turn to face your worst nightmare, in the Room of Torture." Jay said, pointing towards the door. "Hurray! We're going to see torture, we're gonna see torture, we're gonna see torture, we're gonna see torture!" May sang, clapping her hands and jumping up and down. Soul glared at her. "I'm gonna get you after the contract expires." He growled, before stepping through the door. "What he said." Asura said, glaring at May. Blackstar nodded. "What Asura and Soul said." He growled, letting Soul Force lightning play along his fingers. A wail interrupted them. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" He sobbed, clawing on the door. Jay snickered and called through the microphone. "It's reinforced titanium steel, and the walls are all concrete. You'll never escape!"

Blackstar, despite his best efforts, was overcome with curiosity. "What's in there with him?" He asked, pointing to the computer screen, which was blocked out due to blood. "Oh, dang it, I wanted to see this." Jay said, peering at it. "Hey, Blair, wipe the camera off, would you?" she called into the microphone. A finger swept across the lense, and the blood was cleared away, showing Blair with an unconscious Soul tucked under her arm. She beamed at the camera. "See you in an hour!" She chirped, winking at the camera.

_One hour later…_

"Well, at least it doesn't cost us any money." Jay said, watching the paramedics stick IV lines into Soul's arm. "Why's he all dead-looking?" May asked, poking his face. "Passed out due to extreme blood loss from all those nosebleeds." Stein said, blowing out a stream of smoke from his cigarette. Blair winked at him. "I'll visit you in the hospital!" she sang, waving goodbye as he was dragged away. Maka sighed, shaking her head. "Is there any champagne in this dump?" Arachne asked, folding her fan with a snap. "Well of course there isn't, that stuff makes you three-eyed lions that eat bananas for lunch!" May said, crossing her eyes. Arachne raised her eyebrows, staring at her. "I'll fetch some at once my lady." Mosquito said, bowing and walking out of the room.

"Right then, who's next…Blackstar, you're up!" Jay said, looking at the piece of paper. He gulped, stepping forward nervously. "It was nice knowing you!" May sobbed, wiping her eyes with one of Arachne's billowing sleeves. She snatched it back, muttering curses at her. "Gimme that." She hissed, and May scuttled back to her sister. Blackstar straightened his shoulders and walked through the door, sweating a little. Jay and May waited, holding a hand up to their ears, smirking. Then it happened. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" The most unexpected and horrible sound in the world, Blackstar's scream of terror, echoed in the room. The door shook with his pounding, and Jay laughed. Everyone's eyes were riveted on the computer screen, and they saw a familiar figure. "FOOLS!"

Excalibur said, swinging his cane at the walls. "What fools! These mere walls of concrete and steel cannot hold me!" He spun, flinging his cane to another spot in the room. "My legend dates back to the twelfth century you know." He said to Blackstar, who sobbed, pounding on the door. "LET ME OUT!" He wailed, and Jay and May shook their heads sadly. "Can we cut him a break and let him out sooner?" May said, pointing to Excalibur. Jay sighed, and rubbed her chin, thinking. "Well, I suppose we can let him out in just an hour, instead of the full 24." Kid gaped at them. "YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE HIM IN THERE FOR 24 HOURS!?" He screamed, in shock. Jay smirked at him. "Yup, now be quiet and let me enjoy Blackstar's pain."

_One very amusing hour later…_

Blackstar slammed the door open, running straight into a wall in his desperate efforts to escape the Holy Sword. Jay snickered. May went over and hugged him. He stood up, still with her attached to his waist. She sobbed. "I feel so sorry for you, you were trapped with Excalibur for an hour!" She wailed, before letting go of him and kicking him in between the legs again. "You're still a jerk!" She said flatly, before walking off with him once again in a fetal position. He whimpered, trying to drag himself over to her so he could take revenge, but wasn't getting very far. Tsubaki moved forward to help him, but Jay put a hand on her shoulder. "Your turn." She said solemnly, and they all waited as Tsubaki was led out of the room.

Jay came back alone, dusting off her hands. "Oh yay! Tsubaki gets to go to a ball game!" May said, clapping her hands. Arachne, who had just taken a sip of champagne, spewed it out all over Giriko. "WHAT!?" She shouted, wiping her mouth. Giriko grimaced, wiping his face off. May beamed up at her. "She gets to hang out with all the noisy people!" She chirped, and Jay snickered. "See, look." She said, pointing at the screen. Tsubaki was squeezed in next to a man with a red face and a can of beer, and a fat man with no shirt and a certain team's colors painted all over him. They were clearly both bellowing at the top of their lungs, waving flags in the air. Tsubaki looked in utter torment. A siren sound was heard, and the man with the beer screamed in disappointment and the shirtless man hugged the people on both sides of him, including poor Tsubaki. "The horror…" Medusa said, covering her eyes.

_One very loud ball game later…_

"Why…." Tsubaki whimpered, covered in smears of paint and smelling strongly of beer. "Why…" She repeated, clearly dazed. Jay patted her shoulder sympathetically. "It had to be done….now it's Kid's turn!" She said, evilly grinning at him. He swallowed hard. She turned to May. "Is the room ready lieutenant!?" She bellowed, and May executed a razor-sharp salute. "Sir yes sir!" She yelped, and Jay grinned, rubbing her hands. "Excellent…now hold still." She said, holding out a straightjacket and putting Kid in it. She led him into the room, blindfolding him as she went, and strapped him down in a steel chair that revolved slowly. She whipped the blindfold off and walked back in the main room. A scream echoed behind her as she closed the door.

"Did I get it right?" May asked, looking at the computer screen that showed a room with absolutely no symmetry at all. Even the doors and walls, and corners had been painted over or altered, so there were no straight lines. Kid was strapped in a chair that revolved slowly in the center, showing him the full horror or the room. "WHHHHYYYYYY!" He wailed, clearly having a breakdown. Jay patted her head. "I think you got it absolutely perfect. Good job." She said in approval, and May beamed. Kid wailed again, tears pouring down his face. "I WILL KILL YOU!" He screamed, struggling against the restraints. May and Jay cackled. "Okay, let's leave him there for a little bit and move on to Liz and Patty." Jay said, rubbing her hands.

She pointed at Liz. "You will be locked in the scariest and most realistic haunted house known to mankind for one whole night, and Patty, you will be taken to stuffed animal factory and made to watch as they destroy giraffes." Liz fainted and Patty collapsed on top of Asura. He threw her off with a snarl and she landed on Liz. May walked out of the room and returned, dumping a few bottles of champagne on their heads. Arachne shouted "HEY! That's my champagne!" May looked at her. "So? They needed water, and we don't have anything else." She said matter-of-factly, and helped Jay drag them away. They came back, dusting off their hands, and the survivors all looked at the computer screen.

Kid was knocked out, blood dripping from his mouth, and Liz was huddled in a corner, whimpering. Patty was staring in horror as stuffed giraffes were being burned and slashed. "We need that room, so let's get him out of there." Jay said, opening the door and unbuckling him. She dragged him out by the hair, before beckoning May over and whispering in her ear. May giggled, and then hopped into the room. After a few moments and some clanks and bangs, she came back in. "All done!" She chirped, and Jay smirked. "Stein, it's your turn now. In you go!" She said commandingly, pointing at the door. He frowned, but then grinned and walked in, seeing nothing but a TV and a chair. It didn't waver as Jay strapped him in and turned on the TV, before covering her ears and rushing from the room.

It dropped when he saw what program he was to be watching. "What the hell is that?" Medusa said disdainfully, poking the computer screen as Stein writhed and struggled in his chair, screaming. "It seems like something that would be useful to have around, so scary even the DWMA's top meister screams in fright." Jay and May snorted, holding back giggles. "That, oh Mrs. snake witch, is Dora the Explorer." Jay said with a straight face, before collapsing in laughter. Medusa snorted, and Arachne snickered. The next few hours were spent in contemplative silence as the Soul Eater characters and May and Jay watched Stein, Liz, and Patty suffer.

_After the sun rose by Liz's haunted house…_  
"Right then, we're about…not even close to being done. After all, we want to torture you ALL equally…" Jay said as Stein staggered into the room, looking like a beaten man. Liz staggered in as well, eyes darting around, jumping at every movement and shadow. Patty walked in with a swagger, holding a stuffed giraffe that she somehow managed to save. "Mr. Spots will defend me!" She shouted, waving it around by its neck and smashing it into Justin's face unintentionally. Jay and May giggled. "We're done with you two now, he doesn't need to." Jay said dismissively, looking at her list. "Now…it's Spirit's turn!" She said, looking at her list excitedly. He flinched, trying to hid behind Maka.

"Now, this is the whole reason we made Stein watch all the Dora episodes…Spirit, you will go in that room with him and not come out for an hour!" She said brightly, shoving him in the room and shoving Stein in as well. It had changed again, and there was a full tray of medical equipment, along with an examination table with straps to hold down the patient *cough*victim*cough*, and it was just Spirit's size! Stein's gloomy expression brightened immediately. "I wonder what Spirit's thinking right now?" May asked, watching Spirit's terrified face. She was swiftly answered as Spirit made a lunge for the door, clawing at it frantically. "DON'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING! PLEASE LET ME OUT!"

Jay shook her head, seeing him start to run around the inside of the room, with Stein in pursuit. "There's nothing like the threat of being experimented on by Stein to remind you how fast you can really run." She said solemnly, and May nodded, giggling. "Alright, who's next? Ah, Sid." She said, looking at the sheet. He gulped and tried to hide behind Marie. Jay pinched his ear, dragging him out and pushing him into a portal that had opened up out of nowhere. "Go play!" She shouted, waving at his retreating figure. "Where does that go to?" Justin said, pointing to it. Jay grinned. "I believe it comes out somewhere in a Resident Evil game." She said musingly, scratching her chin. "A WHAT!?" All the DWMA people shouted, and the bad guys sniggered. "And he's the last zombie in there." May said proudly.

_A few minutes later…_

"I wasn't the kind of man to take exception, but YOU TWO ARE MONSTERS!" Sid roared, pointing to the bullet holes in his chest and arms. Jay and May slumped in their seats, shrieking with laughter. Eruka squeaked and hid behind Free as he growled, stomping past her."Now then…oh, it's Lord Death!" Jay said ominously, looking at the list, and May hopped up and down. "My favorite!" She squealed, clapping her hands. The famous Lord Death sweatdropped. "Err…yes…" he said uncertainly, backing towards the door. "Oh no you don't!" May said, grabbing one of his humongous hands and dragging him back in. Jay snickered. "You keep him busy. Now, Asura…" She bent towards him and whispered in his ear, after a few moments, his eyes bulged and he gave Lord Death a hate-filled glare. "I will…" He seethed, turning towards Jay and standing up, towering over her threateningly.

She grinned and held up the contract. "Oh no you don't, you signed and everything." She said cheerfully, and he growled, striding towards the portal she had opened for him and stepping in. After a few moments Jay knocked on it, somehow, and his voice called out. "Yes, come in, you little demon whom I'm going to flay limb from limb after this is done." he said sarcastically, and she stepped in, holding a camera. There were a few clicks, and she came out, holding the photos in her hands and smirking. She showed them to her sister, who clapped a hand over her mouth and giggled. Asura walked out of the portal, ignoring everyone else's curious looks, and death-glaring Jay. She smirked and handed Lord Death the photos. Everyone crowded around him, but he held them away and hunched his back, looking at them himself.

There was a moment of silence, and then he wailed, slamming them on the ground and hitting them with Reaper Chops over and over again. He hissed at them, before darting away and huddling in the corner, rocking and moaning to himself. Arachne picked them up, looking down at them curiously. Her eyes widened and a tiny trickle of blood oozed out her nose. She blushed slightly, slamming them into Justin Law's chest and turning away, grabbing a champagne bottle, draining it with one go. Justin looked at them, and everyone else crowded around again. Asura was in a swimsuit with his eye symbols all over it, scowling and death-glaring the camera, or more likely, Jay. Slowly, everyone's eyes lifted up to his face, and he growled. "I did it under protest." He growled, vomiting up his weapon slightly. They all quickly halted the smiles flitting across their faces.

May snickered. "He reacted just like you said he would!" she said, giving her sister a high five. Jay grinned. "I know right! Now…oh good, we're on to the bad guys!" She said, grinning at them. All the DWMA people immediately edged away. Free turned slightly green, and Eruka transformed into her frog form. Medusa began frantically plotting how to get herself out of this, Arachne drank another champagne, trying to fortify her nerves, and Mosquito wondered if his form of eight hundred years ago would help him escape. Giriko yawned; trying to put up a brave front, but was still shaking in fear. "First up…Medusa!" Jay said, looking at her list. Medusa immediately gulped. "I sentence you to make friends!" May said brightly, and she relaxed slightly. Jay coughed. "You forgot the rest." May looked confused, then brightened. "With a hawk!" She said proudly, and Medusa realized here were two beings with absolutely no capacity for mercy, who delighted in the torment of others.

"A very _large_ hawk." Jay said, smirking, and Medusa gulped. They both shoved her through the door, and she found herself face to face with a hawk the size of Free. It glared at her with one merciless eye, and she swallowed hard. "Nice bird…" She said weakly, readying a vector arrow spell in her mind. It cawed and pounced on her, pecking at her hair as she shrieked. May and Jay convulsed with laughter, sliding to the ground and rolling around. Everyone from the DWMA was smirking slightly, and Medusa's group brightened slightly, seeing their terror of a boss get whacked around for once. Asura and Arachne looked bored. Kim and her team were sitting in a corner, playing poker. "Call your bluff and raise you a kiss?" Ox said hopefully, beaming at Kim. She rolled her eyes, passing on to Kilik.

_One poker game and a few minutes later…_

Medusa glared at Jay and May, breathing heavily and holding her torn clothes together. Her hair was incredibly messed up, truly looking like a gorgon's, and there were feathers all over her clothes, although nobody mentioned that. Kim smirked, pocketing the last of the dollar bills formerly belonging to Kilik and Ox. "I can buy a whole new outfit with this…" She said, fingering the wad of bills happily. Medusa turned a venomous glare at her, holding out a hand. She gulped and gave her the bills, and she walked out, looking for some new clothes that weren't torn up and covered in hawk feathers. "Well, we've lost another person. Only a few survivors are left, and the future isn't looking good for half of them…" Jay said weakly into the microphone, before giggling and spinning her swivel chair, picking up the list. "Who do we get to torture next…Eruka, you're up."

She smirked at the frog witch, who was currently hopping as fast as she could towards the exit. "Oh no you don't." She quickly clapped her hands, and the witch levitated, shooting back towards her and taking on human form. "Right then, yours is fairly straightforward, and it only takes a second." She said reassuringly, and Eruka grinned weakly. "Getting my ears pierced?" She said hopefully, and Jay's smile dropped. "Well…no…you have to eat frog legs." She said apologetically, and Eruka whimpered. May hopped up and down, clapping her hands. "Did the French guy make them?" She squealed, and Jay smiled at her. "Right, made by our very own, French Guy!" She said, pointing to a door, which opened to show Pip Bernadotte. Jay gulped. "Whoops! Wrong anime! Out captain, out!" She said, and the door closed and reopened to show a person with a chef's hat on and a plate with a frog leg on it, who stepped forward, offering his delicacy to Eruka.

"Was that the pink braid guy?" May asked, peeking through the door, only to see a blank wall. Jay nodded. "Yeah, it was. Don't know how he ended up here…" She said, looking at her sheets of papers. "Who the heck was that?" Maka asked Soul, who shrugged, having come back to watch the rest of the characters get tortured. "And what are they talking about? What guy would have a pink braid?" Blackstar asked Tsubaki, who had also recovered. "He did _have_ a braid…" Marie said thoughtfully, looking at the blank wall. "Wasn't pink though." Free said, scratching his head. Eruka gulped, which brought everyone's attention back to her. She was staring at the plate, reaching hesitantly for the frog leg. She touched it, then slowly her fingers wrapped around it, bringing it slowly to her mouth.

"Rawr! Surprise cannibalism!" Patty squealed, jumping on Liz and swinging Mr. Spots at her wildly. Liz, whose nerves were still shattered by the haunted house, screamed and bucked her off. She landed on Eruka, knocking the frog leg out of her hand. It soared up in the air, the dropped straight down Patty's gullet. She swallowed, and then burped. "Yummy cannibalism!" She giggled, laughing hard. May quickly grabbed her jaw and opened her mouth, sticking her head in. "NO!" She wailed, withdrawing her head and sticking a hand in Patty's mouth. "We need that frog leg for our torture!" She yelled, punching Patty in the stomach.

Patty choked and Kid pried May off, and she stuck her tongue out at him, strutting back to her sister with her nose held high. "Well, since Patty ate the frog leg for her, I guess Eruka's off the hook…for now…" Jay said in disappointment, and Eruka heaved a sigh of relief. "Free's up!" Jay said, pointing at him and grinning evilly. He swallowed and Giriko pushed him forward, heaving a sigh of relief it wasn't him. "Umm…can we discuss this?" He said weakly, and Jay smirked at him. "Nope. MAY! Attention! Go do what we discussed, and make it nice." May grinned at him and pushed Free in a room. There was a few moments of silence, and then she walked out, dusting her hands off. "Well, he was a lot of trouble. Do you know how hard it is to find a dress in his size?" She asked her sister wearily, slumping back down in her pink swivel chair. Jay smirked. "You did a wonderful job I'm sure. Free, get out here."

The imposing werewolf slunk in the room, growling. He was wearing a pink dress, with sparkly high heels and a sequined purse slung over his shoulder. May had fully decked him out, even going as far to put blush, eyeliner, and lipstick on him, as well as putting a tiara on his head. The last piece of his ensemble was glitzy bracelets, and a shiny necklace. "I will murder you, you little brat." He snarled, all too aware of the others' laughter. She and her sister were too busy laughing on the ground. "Okay, you can take it all off now…" Jay said weakly, wiping tears from her eyes. Without further ado, he darted into the room and the sound of ripping fabric hit the ears of the Soul Eater cast. Jay waited until he was back out before reading off the next victim's name. "Giriko, step forward. " She said, grinning evilly.

He swallowed hard, before stepping forward nervously. "Take him away, and make sure he can't talk!" Jay shouted, pointing her finger at him, and May jumped him, slapping ducktape over his mouth before he could shout a profanity or threat, and dragged him away. She smirked, and then turned towards the video camera. Giriko was seen, sitting in a church pew, straightjacketed and still with the ducktape over his mouth, struggling violently as the preacher droned on and on. May walked back in, and she and her sister exchanged a high five.

"Why does he object so to the Lord's music?" Justin asked, looking over Jay's shoulder to see Giriko attempting suicide-by-church-pew, banging his head against it again and again as the other people stood up, singing along to the chorus."How should we know why you guys hate stuff? We just like to take advantage of it." Jay said, folding her hands behind her back and watching Giriko, who now had a large bruise on his forehead, try to escape by rolling under the pews. Needless to say, he didn't get far.

_One church service later…_

Giriko reached for the tape over his mouth, ripping it off before whimpering in pain. He was back in the main room of Jay and May's torture building, holding an ice pack over his head. "Hey, at least his eyes are uncrossed now!" May chirped, poking his nose. He growled, jerking away. "Shut up you little-" A warningly glance from Jay shut him up. "Okay then…it looks like we have everyone…wait! We forgot the other Death Scythes!" Jay said in alarm, and the Death Scythes all facepalmed. "Who reminded her?" Marie asked the others. Eruka smirked, whistling innocently. "Alright…Justin, step forward!" Jay said, but he didn't move. May kicked him in between the legs. He yelped, falling to the ground. His earphone popped out.

"Justin!" May said, towering over him. "You are hereby sentenced to remove your earphones for a whole month and not listen to any music at all." He wailed, curling up in a ball. "NOOOOOO!" he screamed, and May dragged him to the room where she had dressed up Free so he could suffer alone. "Next up in our line…Marie!" Marie gulped as she was pushed forward by Stein. "Why me!?" She wailed, eyes watering. Jay sighed. "I do so love this one…you are going to go in a mirror maze." She said brightly, and May dragged her out. Everyone else crowded around the computer, seeing Marie look around, bewildered. "Hello?" She asked, wandering off in a direction that was completely off.

"Okay, now that that's done, we have Azusa!" Jay said cheerfully, and the Death Scythe stepped forward. "Let's get this over with…" She sighed, and Jay smirked. "May…" May pounced on Azusa and pushed her into a disco room. "Just do as the people on the screen do!" She said brightly, before closing the door. Azusa sighed, shaking her head. The lights started flashing, and the Caramelldansen song started up. Azusa flinched. Everyone stared at the screen in horror, and Jay snorted. "Who knew she was so good at shaking her hips?" She said, and Spirit drooled.

_One __Caramell__dansen song later…_

Azusa stood in front of Jay and May, light glinting off her glasses. Jay smirked at her, and May giggled. "Hi scary lady!" She chirped, and Azusa growled and stomped off. May grinned, and then slid over to Asura, who was snoring on a couch. She held out her hand and jabbed his two normal eyes, waking him up painfully. "WHY YOU LITTE-" He roared, vomiting up his weapon. May giggled. "Contract poked eyes, contract." She said, imitating her sister. He scowled, sitting back down. She skipped over to her pinky sparkly swivel chair. "Hehehehehehehehe!" She cackled, spinning around. Jay smiled quietly, and then picked up the list. "Next, Arachne. You are going to clean all the bathrooms in DWMA as apology, and for neatness's sake, the bathrooms of Baba Yaga castle as well." Arachne turned pale and fainted. May splashed champagne in her face.

She spluttered, waking up. "I forgot the most important part!" Jay said, giving her sister a high five. "YOU DO IT WITH A TOOTHBRUSH!" She howled, collapsing with laugher as Arachne fainted again. She giggled, and May shoved a toothbrush in Arachne's hand before dragging her out the door. She came back, dusting her hands off. "Mifune, you're next!" Jay cackled, and the bodyguard paled, looking around for a hiding place. May dragged him into the room where Stein and the others had seen the face of ultimate terror, and was strapped down into a chair. She held up a movie. "This is a classic. Lord of the Flies." She said smugly, and his whitened. "What have I ever done to you?" He whispered, and she smirked. "Nothing." She drawled, turning on the TV and walking out. "But this is so much fun!"

"Okay, now then. Angela, since Mifune's doing something, we'll have you do something as well." Jay said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Follow Blackstar around for a day without harming him." She said bluntly, and Angela sighed and walked over to him. He grinned and immediately began spouting about his "godliness" May tugged at Jay's sleeve. "We forgot the mustache guy!" She pouted, pointing to Mosquito. He facepalmed. Jay turned to him, grinning. "Right then. You sir, shall serve Giriko for a week, just as diligently as you would Arachne." He stared at Giriko, who leered at him. "About time pops!" He snorted, and Mosquito sighed, shaking his head and silently wishing for death. May turned to Asura. "Eyeball guy! Eyeball guy!" She shouted, jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

"Wait, wait, wait!" He yelled, backing away from her. "You already made me put on a swimsuit, you got me already!" He said frantically, and she smirked up at him. "That was Lord Death's punishment, not yours!" She chirped. "Tell him big sis!" She said, pulling on her sister's hand. Jay rubbed her hands together. "Asura, I hereby sentence you to watch the scariest version of Nightmare on Elm Street we can get our hands on!" She giggled, and he swayed, in shock. "But, But…" he said weakly, as they shoved him in a darkened room. Jay turned to Kim. "You have to kiss ox and go out with him." She said smugly, and Ox beamed. Kim looked appalled. "Hey!" She stammered, as he dragged her away. May turned to her sister. "Shouldn't' you have given him his punishment first?" She asked, and Jay slapped her forehead. "Oh well. Stein, give him a fail for the remainder of his time at DWMA and we'll call it square."

He nodded. Jay turned to Kilik, ignoring Mifune, who staggered out for the room with a look of absolute horror on his face. "Kilik, you are going to take an extra-circular class with Stein!" She said brightly, and he winced. "But I don't even like those…" He moaned, letting Stein drag him off. Jay looked at her list, and gasped. "May…there's only one person left…" She said in amazement, and May fell on the ground. "Really? Who?" She squeaked, and Jay looked around. "Blair…you're up." She said sadly, and Blair skipped forward. "Blair, as the very last person we will torture, you must buy a pet dog and love it." Jay said tonelessly, and Blair blinked, shocked. "A…DOG!?" She roared, a fire burning in her eyes. Jay nodded, a smile returning to her face. "A nice, cute little doggy." May said happily, and Blair spun, running out of the room.

Jay looked at the list. "Well, let's recap how everyone's doing and then leave." She said.

_Maka is now happily undergoing hypnotism to forget that hour with her dad._

_Soul suffered no ill effects from his nosebleeds, and now is more immune to Blair's charms._

_Blackstar now fears Excalibur's voice more than any living thing._

_Tsubaki is a Tigers fan, and she goes to every game._

_Kid is still Kid, with no changes at all._

_Liz will never set foot outside of the house in October._

_Patty is now happily married to Mr. Spots, and gives him cake every day._

_Stein does not watch TV anymore, just in case THAT SHOW comes back on._

_Spirit suffered no oddities from Stein's session, although every 24 hours he rolls around exactly three times, before standing up and clucking like a chicken. The reason for this in unknown._

_Sid is deathly afraid of raccoons._

_Lord Death now avoids the beach like a plague._

_Medusa came back for revenge and now has a hawk-skin rug._

_Eruka took a trip to France, learning all about their dishes, before finally trying frog's legs._

_Free destroys all pink things he can get his hands on._

_Giriko is not suffering at all, having Mosquito wait on him hand and foot._

_Justin Law is in rehab for music deprivation._

_Marie is still somewhere inside the mirror maze, lost._

_Azusa has joined a Carmeldansen band._

_Arachne was last seen passed out on the floor of Baba Yaga castle, exhausted from cleaning all the toilets._

_Mifune now has a fly phobia._

_Angela was seen with a tape recorder, hanging on Blackstar's every word._

_Mosquito tried hanging himself several times, but is still alive. We hope to see him returning as Arachne's butler soon._

_Asura is suffering from acute insomnia and several poked eyes._

_Ox is under depression from all his Fs._

_Kim is now writing bad poetry to Ox, before throwing it in the thrash and having Jackie flamethrower it._

_Kilik has now replaced Ox as top of the class._

_Blair is now never seen without her pet dog Poochie, and constantly fusses over him. _

"So, everyone say cheese, and we're done!" Jay said, waiting for the camera to click. The cast of Soul Eater was standing around her and her sister, trying to "smile". She heard the click, and then turned, smiling at all of them. "So, the contract is now null and voi-" She was interrupted by Blackstar's Soul Force, Mifune's Infinite Sword Style, Asura's weapon blast, a Maka and Reaper Chop, Kid's Death Cannon, and all the rest of it. However, she and her sister had disappeared.

_Our POV:_

"So that's all done then." I said, shaking out my hand from writing and leaning back in my chair. My sister grinned at me from her broken swivel chair, sighing in relief. "We're all done now?' She said in disappointment, and I pulled up Microsoft word. "Umm…" I said, scanning the list.

_Soul Eater Torture Ideas:_

**Maka-** In a room alone with her dad.

**Soul-** In a room alone with Blair.

**Blackstar- **In a room alone with Excalibur for HOURS.

**Tsubaki- **At a ball game with noisy shouty people.

**Death the Kid-**Put in a straightjacket and strapped down in a chair in the most asymmetrical room physically possible.

**Liz- **Put in the creepiest haunted house ever.

**Patty-** Sent to a stuffed giraffe recall unit and made to watch as they're torn to pieces.

**Stein- **Make him watch Dora for hours.

**Spirit-** Stick him in a room with Stein and a full dissection set.

**Sid-** Shove him in a room with the Resident Evil people.

**Lord Death- **Forced to see a picture of Asura in a swimsuit.

**Medusa-**Shoved in an enclosure with a giant hawk.

**Eruka-** Forced to eat frog legs.

**Free-**Put on makeup and dress in a girl's outfit.

**Giriko-** Stick him in church for a few hours with a ducktape over his mouth.

**Justin Law-** taking his earphones out for a month.

**Marie-** Mirror maze.

**Azusa- **Forced to do a Carmeldansen thing.

**Arachne-**Forced to clean out all the bathrooms in DWMA and Baba Yaga castle with a toothbrush.

**Mifune-** Watch a movie where the kids all die. (A slasher movie or something)

**Angela-**Forced to serve Blackstar for a day without complaining.

**Mosquito-**Forced to obey Giriko for a week.

**Asura- **Watch a Freddy Kruger movie.

**Ox-**Get Fs in all his classes.

**Kim-** Forced to go on a date with Ox.

**Kilik-** Take a strategy class.

**Blair-**Buy a pet dog.

**Us-** write a sequel.

I slapped my forehead. "We forgot the last bit again…" I moaned, and she grinned at me. "We can write it up tomorrow, right?" She asked, and I perked up "Yeah…but we have to make them sign another contract, otherwise…" We both drew a hand across our throat, making a choking sound. "They missed us, didn't they?" She asked, and I rubbed the back of my head. "I think Maka caught me a bit, but that may be from writing us out of there so fast." I said, and she nodded. "BEDTIME!" Mom shouted from the next room, and we both rolled our eyes.


End file.
